Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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