i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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