so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
