You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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