you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
