i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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