we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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