hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
