..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
