): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
