I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
