There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
