its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
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