I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
