Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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