it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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