I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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