then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The beer is more important than you right now.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
