Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
