Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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