i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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