Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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