i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
How external is "for external use only"?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
