Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
