I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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