i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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