after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
