Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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