your parents love me but you hate me
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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