I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
