so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
