2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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