Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
