at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
