I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
