I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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