we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
