I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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