Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
