I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
