I wanna bring you to show and tell
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
