I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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