It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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