somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
