You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
