bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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