return my video game
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
