she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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