yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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