took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
