How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
