I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
