i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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