I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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