I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
