If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
